Sleep Apnea

This is a post a long time in coming. For years I have been concerned about Michael not breathing while he's sleeping. Yes, he snores but that didn't concern me. It was when he stopped snoring that I got scared. I probably noticed it for the first time five years or more ago. Every once in a while I'd ask him to talk to the doctor about it but he didn't think it was that big of a deal (he hardly even believed me when I told him he snores!) or he'd forget when he'd go in for something else. Once I pretty well grabbed his arm and marched him into the doctor's office and told him everything. The doctor made an appointment with a sleep clinic for two weeks from then and I was at peace. A couple days later Michael was laid off from his job. No job, no insurance, no trip to the sleep clinic. That was several years ago. Apparently Michael was the butt of some jokes at the Father & Son Campout and when I heard about that, it really fired me up. Truthfully, I was angry because I knew something was really wrong, I was mad at myself for not making something happen earlier and I was upset that people were laughing about it. So I forced the issue again. And this time we got our sleep study.

I went with him to see him get all hooked up. We had been told that there were going to be a lot of wires and I had prepared myself. But I clearly had NO IDEA. There were probably 12 wires hooked up to his head and face, a pulse oximeter on his finger, two things up his nose, one over his mouth, two bands around his chest and two wires connected to each leg. And that's only the stuff I can remember. If you look at the tangling of wires on some of these pictures, it really astounding. Even though Michael was mentally prepared for that, sleep did not come easily.

And now the interesting part...the results. Michael was in bed for 6.6 hours. Of those six hours he was asleep for 4.8 hours. Of those 4.8 hours, he was only breathing for about half that time. That's right...half of the time he was asleep he wasn't even breathing. He had about 45 apnea events per hour, which, by definition, is not breathing for 20 seconds or more. He had no REM sleep and his lowest oxygen saturation was 82%. A healthy person's oxygen saturation is between 97% and 99%. He was pretty concerned about 82%. He was diagnosed with severe sleep apnea. Finally I felt relief. I had gotten my husband taken care of before something catastrophic happened because of his apnea.

Michael now uses a CPAP machine when he sleeps. It's so quiet that I don't even realize it's on and Michael feels like a completely new man. Gone (well, except for on Sundays) are the much-needed three-hour naps on a pretty regular basis. Good-bye to frequent headaches. Hello to more energy, happiness and time spent awake!

Michael may have a few contributing facts to his apnea, one being a long uvula (look it up). That may require surgery in the future but they're checking him regularly to see how big of a role that plays. Important to know about sleep apnea is that it is not only people who are overweight who suffer with it. I have a very, very petite aunt who has it. It can also affect young kids. I'm really grateful that I took matters into my own hands to get Michael the help he needed. Sleep apnea can literally take years off a person's life as well as creating all kinds of other havoc with the body. I've finally gotten done what I needed to do all these years and I am at peace. It just took me getting a little bit mad. :-D

Parker's Glory Moment

Hmm...time to get a new picture of Parker because this is the only recent and decent one I could find. Ha! Well, the other two kids got their 2 minutes of fame so I decided Parker needed his, too. What's new with this charmer?

Have I ever mentioned that he is just cute, cute, cute?? From the hair that sticks straight up to the dimpled chin to his cute smile with his few teeth, we can't get enough of him. He's a fantastic walker now and speeds it up every day. He has some seriously great dance moves, including shoulder shrugs, squats, bird flap arms and stomping. Oh, it's hysterical and this reminds me that I've just got to get it on video. Hopefully that will be coming shortly!

Parker is getting really great at communicating. His spoken words are just Dada, Mama and ball but he can probably do ten signs and can now pick them up after me just showing him once or twice. That's fun. So yesterday he didn't know the sign for shoes but today he did it for me. I've said it before and I'll say it again...kids have amazing brains!

What's not fun about Parker right now? Well, only one thing and that is that he gets into everything. And then he takes that everything and he scatters it about the whole house. I seriously can't keep up with him right now. A lot of times I just ignore it because he's keeping himself occupied and I need the time to get things done. Other times, though, I have to strap him onto my lap with a book to keep him out of mischief.

We love our Parkey boy! Our family certainly would not be complete without him.

The Preschooler

(This is Maren's trademark pose. Michael asked the other day what's up with the head cock. I don't know!! She's a girl?? So cute.)

And here's our lovely Maren. She started preschool a couple of weeks ago with our friend Christina, who was Evan's teacher last year. Yes, Maren is only three. No, she doesn't need to go to preschool. But all year when Evan went she asked when it would be her turn. She and Evan are such different kids. I knew she would just love it for the social aspect and I was right! She's already trying to make sleepover dates with her best friend from school. Ha! So, a few tidbits about Maren...

She is all girl. Seriously. She loves lip gloss. I went to put mine on the other day and had to ask her where it was. She knew right where it was. I finally got her her own. She also loves to do her hair and will spend 15 minutes in the bathroom spraying it, combing it and putting clips in it. Now, the finished product is usually pretty interesting but one time it did look good enough to take her out of the house. :-) She sprayed my hair today (water) and combed through it and loved every second of it. She kept telling me, "Good job sitting still, Mom" and gave me a mirror to look at the front and back of my hair.

Maren must learn things by osmosis because I feel like I'm not teaching her anything. She surprised me the other day by being able to dial a friend's phone number. I told her the numbers and she dialed. Probably not all that impressive but the fact that I've never pointed to a number six and told her it was a six and she seems to know all the numbers...I was happy. Same with letters. She's been writing her name for a long time now and writes Mom, Dad and Evan. But the other day she told me she was going to write Peyton's name, her friend from school. She said "Peyton, p-, p-, P!" I told her that was right, good job, and walked away to get something done as she wrote the P. I wondered what would become of that but I was pretty sure it wasn't going to go much of anywhere else. A couple of minutes later she came up and excitedly showed me her paper where she had written, "P A T N". Wow! I couldn't believe it. She'd sounded it out and did a great job! This kind of mothering is working for me. Ha ha!
Maren does not want anything to do with light when she's going to sleep. And she shares a room with Evan, who must have some light or he's too scared. Oh, boy. It's been a challenge lately. For about a week it was downright ugly. Maren would be screaming that it was too bright with the laundry light on (like we'd been doing for months, mind you!), Evan was upset because Maren wouldn't be quiet so he could sleep. Finally I'd let Evan go sleep on our bed so that I could turn off the laundry light so Maren would go to sleep. As soon as I turned off the light she let out this deep sigh, "aaahhhhh..." like now she was in heaven. So I had my mom make some sleeping masks. They came in the mail but were unfortunately too tight and were threatening to squeeze her eyeballs out her nose. Finally Michael came up with this...

Her bed is covered on three sides and the wall on the fourth. In the picture it looks like the stairs aren't covered but they are! She calls it her bear den and it is dark, dark, dark in there. I pretty much can't see anything in there and that's just the way she likes it. I'm not sure that she and Evan could be any different. I love variety!

Maren is absolutely full of spunk and personality. She loves everyone, is helpful and friendly. She's also incredibly loving, especially with me and Michael. She is always expressing gratitude for being a family. Oh! And the other day in Nursery they were talking about their bodies. Maren raised her hand and said, "When we are resurrected our bodies will be perfect." A ha! Too right, Maren. I love that little brain of hers. She's smart, funny and sweet. The complete package. We love you, Mareny!

Already?

Yes, already. I have a kindergartner. Me...not excited. Evan...ecstatic. He'd been bursting at the seams for the last couple of weeks before school started in anticipation of the big day. His first backpack, new shoes, learning lots of cool stuff in a real school...without his family. What is there not to be excited about?

Now that it's been a few weeks, he still loves school. His teacher is wonderful and he's making new friends. Luckily I've been able to pull out a little bit of information from him every day about what they did. I've enjoyed helping in the classroom twice so far and I'm glad to have the opportunity (with a friend watching Parker!) to do that once a week. So, what's Evan been up to??
I think he's a brainiac. At his kindergarten assessment he pretty much blew them out of the water, speeding through the letters and their sounds, sorting colored shapes like a robot, and they had to stop him at 103 when they asked him to count as high as he could go. They could've been there a while still. It was fun to watch. I think I've said it on here before but Evan is a deep thinker. He doesn't care to just know the top coat of information. And when he asks Michael about complex scientific things, Michael really explains all the nuts and bolts. Sometimes Michael will explain something for half an hour when we're supposed to be eating. But Evan eats it up and seems to really understand. I think I'll look like an idiot next to him when he gets older. :-)

Evan is tender. He still thanks Heavenly Father for Parker in every, single prayer he says. He was also very sad when our cockatiel flew away and in every prayer since then he has asked that Jango just be safe even if we never get him back. If he's watching a Disney movie and there's a scary part, he'll run around the wall into the "office" and just peek around until it's over or he'll start up some conversation with me. It's so cute. I'm glad Disney movies are still scary to him. I'd like to keep his innocence as long as we can.

This boy is a creator. For his aunt's birthday we didn't really have a gift but he wanted to take something. He decided to make a treat and he planned and put it together all by himself. It was bread with melted chocolate, peanut butter, jam and whipped cream inside. He made them, cut them up and put them on a plate to take. And you know what? They were a hit! He really loves to help in the kitchen and he loves coming up with his own creations.

We love, love, love our big boy! This kindergarten stuff sure has thrown the family for a loop but we're really enjoying walking him to school each morning and hearing his fun stories when he gets home. Since we're in the walking zone, this is the only year he will be able to ride the bus. I let him ride it home so he can have that experience. He loves that, too. And I love when he's getting off and all the other kids are yelling, "Bye, Evan!" He is a treasure to our family and we are all so loved by him. Love you, Evan!

Me and My Luck

What an absolutely ridiculous day. I'm going to tell you about it. Some details will seem strange until you read to the end. Things you should know...

This morning while cleaning the kid's room I saw a very strange-looking spider running around. I quickly grabbed a glass and put it in there so that Michael could see it when he got home...just because it really was that weird looking.

Later that day I took the kids to my sister's house for "Danicamp". They had all sorts of fun getting camp names, making treats and crafts while I was supposed to go to Winco. However, Winco is right next to Kohl's and I've had an itching to go to Kohl's for a few months now and check out their clothes. You see, I haven't had any new clothes for over three years and I'm feeling really, super frumpy and gross. And I certainly can't go to Kohl's with three kids. What fun would that be? So I decided that I'd run in there quickly, maybe half an hour, see if I could find anything uber-cheap and then be on my way to Winco. Well, a couple hours later I was headed to the check-out with a bunch of stuff. And something hit me. We don't have the money for this. So I should put this down and walk out of here right now. And I don't have the luxury of wasting two hours of my day and that's what I just did. I just about put down the bag and started bawling as I walked out of Kohl's. Then I bucked up and realized that I really needed to have some new clothes...I couldn't be this disgusted with myself anymore...and that I would figure it all out. Plus, I had 45 minutes until I needed to get back to my sister's so I could do a quick Winco trip.

Yeah, right, you're thinking, huh? Yeah, right, is what I thought as I got into the car, too. There was no way that was going to work so I headed back to pick up Parker for his nap. Winco would have to wait for another day (it had already waited about five days, mind you). When I got to my sister's house we sat and talked for a few minutes before i left. Parker found their phone (baby magnet!) and was playing with it. Yes, I'm cautious about him with the phone because I don't want him calling 911 but my sister is and absolute no-baby-with phones! kind of gal. She reminded me about the time that I said Maren would never call 911 and then promptly did at my mom's house. I took the phone away from him and we headed home.

That was my morning. Now to my evening...

We'll start with me trying to get stuff done. I was in the laundry room, filling up that dryer when Evan walked in with a strange look on his face, handed me the phone and said, "I think it's 911 or something." I get on the phone and, sure enough, it was a 911 lady who wondered if I had an emergency and since I didn't have an emergency she needed to know what had happened. I started to explain to her that my baby got the phone...and I was cut off. All of a sudden she wasn't there. I was still connected but she was gone. I figure either she thought I was an idiot for allowing my child to call 911 for no reason and hung up on me or she had a real emergency to attend to. Either way I decided it would be best for me not to call back and reiterate that I did not have an emergency since I had already told her that and I didn't want to start the whole cycle over again.

About five minutes after the phone call there was a knock at the door. I figured it was the police so I opened the door without checking to see who it was. Not the police. Pest control salesgirl. After talking for a minute I let her know that my husband would need to talk to her about it, that he'd be home in probably 30 minutes but that it was probably a no because we don't really have any pest problems. Just as she's turning around to leave, Michael pulls up. Welcome home, honey! I'm pawning the salesgirl off on you! So as he's talking to her on the front porch, Evan's yelling, "Dad, what kind of spider is this? Dad, come look at this spider we caught today!" And Michael isn't really listening to him...just saying, "Just a minute, Evan, I'm talking!". Ha! Well, Michael also lets the girl know that we really don't have any pest problems so she should look elsewhere for customers. And she leaves.

Evan finally gets Michael's attention and they start looking at this spider together. We're only at about two minutes after the pest girl left and there's another knock at the door. Uh, police this time. Yes, I'm the idiot who lets her baby touch the phone. No, I do not have an emergency. I guess I should be glad they check, just in case. (Found out later that the pest control salesgirl thought we had called the cops on her. Ha!) I close the door on the policewoman and Michael is commenting on the spider, "Whoa, this is the weirdest spider I've ever seen. Where did you find this? In the kid's room??? Look at those fangs." And then, what I feared, he ran to the front door with the spider in a glass saying, "I've got to find that girl!" Oh, boy. She hadn't gotten far and happily came back to the crazy family who called the cops on her, opened up her flip chart with spider pictures and declared our spider to be a brown recluse. *Gasp* There was lots of talking, sharing stories of the horrors of brown recluse bites, studying the nasty devil in our glass, and finally Michael decided that, for the good of our sweet children, we must pay through the nose to have the pest control services done. I couldn't say anything. It wouldn't have done any good. And it was a brown recluse, you know. I don't want my kid's skin to be eaten away by poisonous venom. Goodness!

So I just shuffled back in the house gloomily thinking about what that was going to cost us and decided that I guess I'd better take those clothes back to Kohl's after all.



*Post-script: Michael did some more research and found it to actually not be a brown recluse or even a poisonous spider at all. He called and canceled the service and I took the tags off my new swimming suit!

Angels on Burnside

I have a miraculous story to share! It goes like this... Yesterday Michael had to drive 30 miles to work in a different clinic. When he got there, he emailed to let me know that the car was having some trouble and finally gave up the ghost as he pulled into the parking lot. Great! We just got the darn thing fixed (um, twice) and spent hundreds of dollars doing so. And now something else is wrong. Later he let me know that his manager had AAA and they could tow it 30 miles, which would just make it to the mechanic. Great! Towards the end of the day he let me know that she had checked with AAA and the fact was that they would tow it three miles. No good. In the end this is the way it shook down. She jumped started his car (I guess the alternator was dead and wasn't charging the battery), he hoped it would make it home and she followed him as far as she could before she had to turn off.

For the Bybees it wouldn't happen any other way than this: one block after she turned off, the car was acting funny and died again. Michael quickly turned into a church and tried to get into the parking lot. There was an incline to get to the parking lot, though, and the car didn't make it up. He was stuck with half of the car on the sidewalk and half in the driveway portion. On Burnside. For those that aren't familiar with Portland, Burnside is about the last place you'd want to be stuck. All sorts of shady stuff goes on on Burnside. So, Michael told us that after sitting in the car for 15 minutes, looking around and thinking about his situation, he decided to try to push it up the incline and get it parked in the parking lot. Remember, folks, we have no cell phones. Ha! Try he did, but to no avail. And here's the blessed part. A truck with a husband, wife and two teenage girls drove by and must've seen him either trying to push the car or seen that the car was stuck halfway into the driveway. They turned around, drove back and pulled up next to him. The man helped Michael push the car up into the parking lot and Michael asked to use his phone. (I guess this is going to be a semi-long story but I really want to have every detail documented for us to remember later!) Michael called and was giving me the options, including riding the train home or me stopping by Auto Zone, buying an alternator and driving it out to him. Although that didn't sound like much fun, driving 25 miles away with the three kids and waiting for him to do all this car work on Burnside, we decided that was the best plan. As Michael was giving me details of where he was, his rescuers were telling him that there was an Auto Zone just down the street that they could take him to and asking if he had a method of paying for the alternator right then. Yes and yes! Michael informed me on the phone that he had made some new friends and they were going to take him to get the alternator. As the man took out Michael's old alternator (Michael said he really did almost all of teh work), the wife called Auto Zone to make sure they had the one in stock that he needed and since there was only one, she put it on hold.

So now they've got the alternator out and they're ready to go. Everybody piles into their big, tall truck. The truck is running, ready to go. Michael throws his work bag onto the front seat because he's going to have to hoist himself in and realizes he should just grab his wallet out really quickly so he's all ready when they get there. He goes rummaging in his bag, where his wallet always is, and it's not in there. What?? No wallet. No money. Michael says, "You're not going to believe this but..." The guy then replies with, "Well, what are you waiting for? Get in." Michael is dumbfounded and the guy tells him that he knows Michael is good for the money and that they will pay for it for him. Are you seriuos?? I asked Michael how much the alternator cost (I'm completely clueless about car stuff!). NINETY dollars! $90. Nine-zero. Almost 100. And these complete strangers (oh, yes, angels) paid for it. Then they drove him back to the car and put the new one in for him. When the phone rang and it was Michael calling to let me know that it was in and he was headed home (I had no idea about what all had gone on), I feared that maybe it was his new "friends" and they were holding him ransom or something. Ha! My little mind plays through ridiculously paranoid scenarios sometimes. Well, Michael made it safely home to report all of this to us. Unbelievable.

And Evan's response was the best: "That's the most amazing story I've ever heard." He really, really was astounded. And then that sweet, perceptive little boy figured out something wonderful and said, "It's a good thing you couldn't push the car up the hill, Dad, or those people wouldn't have stopped." He was right! There would've been no reason to stop, passing a church with a car parked in a spot. And then Michael told us something that he'd skipped over when he told us the story the first time. He said that before he got out to push the car up the incline, he said a prayer and asked Heavenly Father for the strength he needed to push the car into the parking lot. What a great teaching opportunity that was for us to teach our children that our Heavenly Father is all-knowing and he cares about us so much that sometimes he doesn't answer our prayers the way we want. We reminded them that even though we may think something is good for us, Heavenly Father always knows what is the right thing for us at the time. And at that time the right thing was NOT for Michael to have the strength to push the car. Heavenly Father knew he wouldn't have been rescued by these sweet angels. It's a miraculous story, if you ask me. And it even happened on Burnside.

Look Who's ONE!

Yes, it's true, this big boy turned one, um, 20 days ago! Never too late for a birthday post. His birthday was on a Sunday so we just had some family over for cake in the back yard. Parker pretty much loved the cake and opening presents and everyone else loved oogling at him.

I was just going to make a lemon cake (hey, he got cake, didn't he? Do we have to jump right to chocolate?) but Michael suggested doing a Jell-O poke cake with strawberry Jell-O inside. Yummalicious! Tasted like strawberry lemonade. Parker was hysterical. After poking his own finger in it, he just picked it up and shoved it right in. This is one guy who is not shy with his food.

Wasn't shy with the wrapping paper, either. You'd think he'd seen it done before or something. He was just really fun to watch opening his presents (yes, the Christmas tree paper is from us. Lame, I know.).

Yeah, I'm pretty much in love with this picture. Other kids kept grabbing his new toy and he was getting crazy about it. Here he is telling Maren to give the stinkin' ball back!

And I guess you can't really tell in this picture, but when it was all stacked up he was ecstatic. His arms were pumping so hard. That's a happy birthday kid.

Now on to the interesting Parker facts:

At Parker's one year appointment he weighed 21 pounds! That is a Bybee record. We have never had a baby even get to 20 pounds by their birthday. It was fun to know that we could legally turn him around in the car. That still only puts him in the 30th percentile but, hey, that's okay. He was 29 inches long, 35th percentile. And then that great big noggin was in the 75th percentile. My boys and their big heads!

Parker is everywhere these days! He's not walking on his own yet but he cruises around everywhere and he can pretty much crawl as fast as I walk around the house. The times that he has taken steps on his own I have caught him doing it out of the corner of my eye. He works on it during his alone time, which I think is hysterical. Aren't most babies motivated by walking to their parents or to get a toy or something? Not this one. He'll be by himself, standing up. He'll let go, think about it, take a few steps and plop down. It'll be any day now.

Parker loves food and thank goodness for those five teeth he's got to help him eat whatever the heck he wants. I love that his front two teeth have a little gap in between them. Goes right along with his dimple chin and long lashes. Cute!

He loves to say dada...all the time. I still get no love but that's okay by me. I think there have been a couple of times in the last week when he's been trying to tell me no, too! Of course it sounds like "na-na" in a kind of loud, angry voice, but still. He's getting his point across. He knows quite a few signs and uses them if he can't get his way by screeching and pointing. Ha! When he's really excited about something, he'll point to it and say "oo-oo-oo" just like a monkey with the cutest pursed lips you've ever seen. He's highly excitable.

His loves are bananas, potato salad (discovered this just recently), balls, Evan, Maren, Michael, and getting into random things that I'd rather he not get into. Michael and I both teach the second hour of church so we swap taking him. When he has to come to my class, I am amazed at how well he does. Yes, he's a distraction. And, no, I can't teach the whole lesson without taking care of something. But I'm actually able to give the lesson and that's something. He's a good boy.

Most importantly, he is loved like crazy by his family. I'm being completely honest here when I say that in every single one of Evan's prayers he says, "we're thankful for Parker". Every one. I've wondered several times when he'll stop saying that but I've come to realize that it may be never. Evan just loves Parker that much. We all do. Our family just wouldn't be complete without our big 1-year-old Parker!!

The Great Blog Catch-Up of 2010

What can I say? It's been a busy summer. We're around home long enough to mess things up but not long enough to clean them up. It's starting to get a little dangerous to walk around our house. I guess that's the only reason to hope for crummy weather...so poor Parker can learn to walk without tripping every 10 seconds. Here's a little bit of what we've been up to this summer...

There are little skating classes during the week. I took both kids the first week thinking Evan would be the chicken and Maren would be a natural. Wrong! Evan loved it and was not afraid (shock of my life) and Maren, while not afraid, could not stay up to save her life. My arms and shoulders were so sore by the end of those 2 hours from holding her up that I vowed not to take her again for a long time.


There was the trip to our beautiful Chinese Gardens. The smells, the workmanship, the shapes, the textures...it's all so refreshing and relaxing. Evan took about 100 pictures there. He even worked on posing Maren jsut the way he wanted her in some of them. Ha! In the bottom one, he is imitating the foo dog above him. Silly guy.


There have been a dozen baths to clean dirty, smelly, sunscreen-covered kids. (I'm still not sure how my parents fit all four of us in a bathtub. Did they make bathtubs bigger back then??)

We've been beautifying our home with new heat-reducing fixtures...such as the emergency blanket over the skylight in the kitchen and the car's sun visor over the window in the office area. Boy, did Evan ever think it was awesome to get on the roof. Ever since then he has told friends, family and even perfect strangers that "I got to get on the roof once". And he's asked Michael a couple times if they could get on the roof again "for no reason at all". He says the view of the neighbor's Great Danes (yes, it's true!) is pretty sweet from up there. (Ha! Super side note...I just looked at the picture of them on the roof. Really looked at it. The point of the picture was Evan so I never really noticed that it's a pretty good bulls-eye bum shot of Michael. Oh well. He's not the focus in my mind and if I hadn't ever mentioned it, you probably wouldn't have even noticed it either!)

We attended our ward's Pioneer Day activity where they rode their bikes in the parade.

Michael set up the pool we got last year with our slide going into it. The kids have LOVED it! Evan Parker, who one day fell in head first after I propped him standing up on the outside (don't worry - I'm a super paranoid mom so I was very close and rescued him quickly). Parker's favorite thing to do is to try to drink the water, much to our dismay. Evan's favorite thing to do is pretend he's climbing up the slide but keep slipping down into the water. Maren just busts up laughing about it which fuels his comedy fire even more. Wondering what Michael's doing in that last picture? Shading Parker, who wasn't wearing any sunscreen. We took turns and then he taped the umbrella to a long stick so we wouldn't get sore shoulders. Ha! He's ingenious, I tell ya.

My family also had a get-together at the lake yesterday (thanks, Dad!) where we went out on a motorboat (uh, we might've been able to row faster if we hadn't had Parker!), ate lots of yummy food, had fun with family and friends and got way too dirty in the lake water.

On top of all that, we've been to the park countless times, to the library, blueberry picking (yeah, Parker ate about a pint while we were picking and let's just say that his cheeks, no, not his face cheeks, were stained purple!), and to the county fair. Oh, how I wish I'd been able to find the camera for the fair! Maren got to ride her first "roller coaster" since she was too young and too short last year. To say that her face said "total and complete elation" would be an understatement. I don't know that I've ever seen such complete joy on a child's face. And she had her hands up in the air as much as she could without falling out of that silly dragon ride. Ha! It will forever play back in my mind at least. Thank you, Summer. You've been good to us. Now what are we going to do about this house?

What an Inspiration!

I was just looking for a distraction from making banana bread. Just for a few minutes. I had seen something yesterday that caught my attention and decided to watch it. It is completely mind-boggling to me to try to imagine what this man went through. When we lost Dallin, I seriously thought for sure that that was the worst thing that could happen to anyone in this lifetime...losing a child. But to lose two children (plus one on the way) and a spouse...there aren't words. And to forgive as freely as he did. Again, there are no words because the emotions run so deep. I would hope that if I were ever up against something so devastating as this man went through that I would also act with dignity and forgive freely. But I also selfishly pray that I'll never have the opportunity to find out.

You'll Be in My Heart

Wow, I've got a story here. After ten years of struggling with something, I feel like I finally broke through yesterday. Here's the background:

The week before Dallin was born, in May of 2000, Michael and I were both sick with colds and home from work. We rented Disney's Tarzan to watch on Saturday night but didn't get around to it. On Sunday is when we found out that Dallin had passed away and they started my induction. After a few hours my sister arrived. We didn't have our camera with us so I asked her if she could go to our house and pick it up. I realized that we might as well try to watch the Tarzan movie we had rented to try to keep my mind off of what was happening.

I don't even remember what happened in the movie now but I don't think we got more than ten minutes into it before I asked that it be turned off. First of all, I couldn't concentrate on a movie when I had such sad emotions to deal with. Second, the song You'll Be in My Heart came on. I couldn't believe how exactly the words fit what was going on at that moment in our lives. The gravity and sadness of it all was crushing. Well, since that day I never listen to that song with normal ears. I will always think about Dallin when I hear that song. Sometimes it's too much and I have to change the station. When I do listen to the thing, I cry. That's okay, but still...

Well, yesterday I made it through the song without crying. I had happy thoughts, thinking of how much we love our Dallin and imagining how he must feel about his family. We miss him every day, but this was a big day for me. So big, in fact, that I decided to download the song so I can listen to it whenever I want to. That's big news, ten years in the making.

There are some who don't understand that the love you have for a baby who is stillborn is as much as you have for your babies who are born alive. That sometimes leads to unintentionally hurtful comments. Two verses in the song even address those emotions we have had to deal with over the years.

Here are the words:

Come stop your crying
It will be all right
Just take my hand Hold it tight

I will protect you
from all around you
I will be here
Don't you cry

For one so small,
You seem so strong
My arms will hold you,
keep you safe and warm
This bond between us
Can't be broken
I will be here
Don't you cry

'Cause you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more

You'll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You'll be here in my heart, always

Why can't they understand
the way we feel
They just don't trust
what they can't explain
I know we're different but,
deep inside us
We're not that different at all

And you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more

Don't listen to them
'Cause what do they know
We need each other,
to have, to hold
They'll see in time
I know

When destiny calls you
You must be strong
I may not be with you
But you've got to hold on
They'll see in time
I know
We'll show them together

'Cause you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on,
Now and forever more

Oh, you'll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You'll be in my heart, always
Always

The Post that BEGS for a Picture!

This is just a story. No picture. Boo. It could've been put in that "priceless" category. We'll see how well I tell the story so you can envision it.

It was Saturday. I was sick. Really sick. My throat was on fire, I felt awful and the worst thing was that the doctor had prescribed me some steroids to take so I wouldn't get "the cough". But if I was going to take them, I had to stop nursing Parker. Now I knew I was going to have to stop nursing Parker in a couple of weeks for Girl's Camp anyway but all of a sudden I needed to make the decision that very day to stop cold turkey that very day. And it was traumatizing, to say the least. So my body wasn't all with it and neither was my mind.

Parker woke me up that morning. I fed him and then handed him off to Michael because I had to go to an appointment (actually, I had to go stand outside in a line for an hour and 15 minutes...that was so not okay being so very sick as I was. Ugh.) I hadn't changed his diaper but I figured Michael would get up, get going with the day with the kids and change Parker out of his jammies. I told Michael that if I wasn't home by 9:30, he should put Parker down for his nap.

I got home at 9:45 and Parker was asleep. Great job, Mikey! The next few hours were spent with the other kids and trying to rest. At 12:30 I was making Evan and Maren lunch when Parker woke up from his nap so Michael went in to get him. It wasn't long before Michael was calling me into his room...with great urgency. I got to the changing table and there was Parker with his jammies open, no diaper on. And Michael says, "You didn't put a diaper on Parker??? He doesn't have a diaper on!!" What??? My mind was reeling. How could this be? How long had he not had a diaper on? Clearly it was true because he was absolutely covered in pee. All the way up his chest and down his legs and out to his arms. Ha! What a sight! I kept trying to figure it out. I must not have put a diaper on him Friday night...16 hours before! And I finally realized that it was completely likely because my mind was so messed up with trying to figure out whether to stop nursing or not. Michael was starting to peel his jammies off when he busted up laughing. I took a look. There, down around his ankle, was Parker's diaper. It had come off one side (probably because it weighed about a pound!) and slid down to the bottom footie of his jammies! As we discussed it through our hysterical laughing, we pieced it together:

Michael figures I should've told him that I didn't change Parker's diaper when I left. Probably true. I just figured...well, you know. So when Michael went to put him down for his nape at 9:30 he said he patted his bum and it felt dry. He thought wow, no pee in that diaper. Ha! Yeah, no diaper was the truth. It must've already been around his ankle by then. We can't quite figure out how Michael missed the swollen footie, but... So for Parker's three-hour nap he was totally commando and made a royal mess of his bedding and his whole self. What a joyous bath he had once we got control of ourselves. What a crummy moment to miss getting a picture of.

Speaking of Great Danes...

My mom called the other day just busting up, telling me to gray my July issue of Reader's Digest (if you think Reader's Digest is just for your grandma, think again! I love that magazine! You will, too. Give it a chance. I read it cover-to-cover. It's awesome! And I got paid zilcho for that plug.). I ran quickly thinking maybe there was a picture of a friend in there or something. I turned to the page she said and saw the biggest dog ever...literally! "Evan's dog"!! As I was reading the article, printed below, I just couldn't stop laughing pondering what our lives would be like in our little, itty bitty house with a dog who requires a queen size bed of his own. I couldn't wait to show it to Evan the next morning. He's going to need to move us out of this little shack if he ever wants a shot at a Great Dane. Ha!!!

Name: Giant George

Age: 4

Breed: Great Dane

Hometown: Tucson, Arizona

Claim to fame: Holds Guinness world records for Tallest Dog Living and Tallest Dog Ever

Height: 43 inches from paw to shoulder

Photographed by Tom Spitz

Length: 7 feet 3 inches from nose to tail

Weight: 245 pounds

As a puppy: “He looked so cute in his crate,” says owner Dave Nasser.

Now: “He kind of looks like a pony when he’s running.”

What he eats: 110 pounds of dry food a month, from a dish elevated 20 inches off the ground

Where he sleeps: On a queen-size mattress made for humans

Transportation: Rides around the neighborhood in a golf cart with Nasser. “Sometimes it’s hard to get him out.”

Favorite game: Tug-of-war (guess who always wins)

Social networking: With more than 42,000 fans, George may be the most popular dog on Facebook.