You'll Be in My Heart

Wow, I've got a story here. After ten years of struggling with something, I feel like I finally broke through yesterday. Here's the background:

The week before Dallin was born, in May of 2000, Michael and I were both sick with colds and home from work. We rented Disney's Tarzan to watch on Saturday night but didn't get around to it. On Sunday is when we found out that Dallin had passed away and they started my induction. After a few hours my sister arrived. We didn't have our camera with us so I asked her if she could go to our house and pick it up. I realized that we might as well try to watch the Tarzan movie we had rented to try to keep my mind off of what was happening.

I don't even remember what happened in the movie now but I don't think we got more than ten minutes into it before I asked that it be turned off. First of all, I couldn't concentrate on a movie when I had such sad emotions to deal with. Second, the song You'll Be in My Heart came on. I couldn't believe how exactly the words fit what was going on at that moment in our lives. The gravity and sadness of it all was crushing. Well, since that day I never listen to that song with normal ears. I will always think about Dallin when I hear that song. Sometimes it's too much and I have to change the station. When I do listen to the thing, I cry. That's okay, but still...

Well, yesterday I made it through the song without crying. I had happy thoughts, thinking of how much we love our Dallin and imagining how he must feel about his family. We miss him every day, but this was a big day for me. So big, in fact, that I decided to download the song so I can listen to it whenever I want to. That's big news, ten years in the making.

There are some who don't understand that the love you have for a baby who is stillborn is as much as you have for your babies who are born alive. That sometimes leads to unintentionally hurtful comments. Two verses in the song even address those emotions we have had to deal with over the years.

Here are the words:

Come stop your crying
It will be all right
Just take my hand Hold it tight

I will protect you
from all around you
I will be here
Don't you cry

For one so small,
You seem so strong
My arms will hold you,
keep you safe and warm
This bond between us
Can't be broken
I will be here
Don't you cry

'Cause you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more

You'll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You'll be here in my heart, always

Why can't they understand
the way we feel
They just don't trust
what they can't explain
I know we're different but,
deep inside us
We're not that different at all

And you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more

Don't listen to them
'Cause what do they know
We need each other,
to have, to hold
They'll see in time
I know

When destiny calls you
You must be strong
I may not be with you
But you've got to hold on
They'll see in time
I know
We'll show them together

'Cause you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on,
Now and forever more

Oh, you'll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You'll be in my heart, always
Always