Uh...

I had a small heart attack today when I realized that we are going to need a new car seat in two months. Aaaaahhhhh! I can't believe this just dawned on me. That's $200 we don't have. Anyway, many people may say I don't have to spend that much on a convertible car seat. They have ones for $100 and less. But I just can't do it. I've done tons of research on these things and I have quite a bit of paranoia about my children's safety. So it's only Britax for us. And that means the big bucks. Oh, well. Two more months to try to get creative for that. So, it's about time for a Maren update...

Boy is she ever getting more and more fun every day. She loves to pull up and stand and then throw her hands up in the air and balance as long as she can. Then she does it all over again. And again. And again. :-) It's pretty fun because Evan is also enjoying balancing lately on one leg and hopping around on one leg. So the other night we were all hanging out in Maren's room. Evan was balancing on one leg on top of a Rubbermaid container and Maren was doing her balancing act. She will be walking before we know it, for sure! She really loves broccoli. Last night I tried to give her lots of other things besides her broccoli and it all went on the floor. But she wanted the broccoli to keep coming. Strange girl! She loves to mimic sounds you make. She does animal sounds and pretend sneezes. And we have definitely decided that she says, "hi" and "I love you". They are both really cute, but the I love you is especially sweet because it's so long and of course you can just barely make it out because she's so young. I'm sure she's only saying that because she hears it about 100 times a day from all of us! She still loves baths but hates to be in the car when it's dark outside. However, we have ammunition. We have this Suzuki Violin Volume 1 CD that has simple little songs on it on the violin. The first is Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star. She can be wailing like nobody's business. Then we turn that on and it's like magic. She's quiet through the whole song. I love it! We just couldn't live without Maren!

Evan's Faves & Christmas List

My sister, Danica, did this with her son last year when he turned 3 and it was my intention to this for Evan's birthday, too, but I forgot. Anyway, this morning as we were eating our cereal together, I interviewed little Mr. Evan Bybee about some of his favorites. Here's what he had to say:

Favorite show: Super Why
Favorite movie: Aladdin
Favorite color: Purple and blue
Favorite food: Fish ((funny about this since I think the first time he had fish (besides fish sticks only a couple of times) was last Saturday when I decided we are going to have salmon once a week because it's so good for us))
Favorite thing to do with Mom: Experiments (I asked him if he meant that was his favorite thing to do with Dad. He said no, with Mom. Ha! Just call me Bill Ny...not!)
Favorite thing to do with Dad: Exercise (I think they've done Pilates together once. It clearly made a huge impression on Evan.)
Favorite thing to do with Maren: Play instruments
Favorite place: Chuck E. Cheese
What he wants to be when he grows up: Astronaut

That was really fun to do. His responses were really quick. Too cute. So then I told him we are going to go see Santa Claus at the mall on Saturday so we'd better have a Christmas wish list ready. I asked him what he wanted for Christmas. Here's his list:

Scooter
Pretend oranges to hang on the Christmas tree (where did he get this from? Has he been to someone's house that has oranges hanging on their tree? Help me out here. This is too cute!)
Trip to Chuck E. Cheese
Pretend ice cream (again, a bit random)
Fish
Mom prods with, "what else, Evan?"
More fish
"Anything else, Evan?"
Little bit more fish

Okay, then. Love the fish times three part, too! Exercise and fish. If we got more of those two things around here, we'd be in good shape...literally. He'll be thrilled to hear that our next salmon day is only three days away. Ha! Seems like he'll be a pretty easy one for Christmas this year. :-)

Our Big 3 Year Old!

Let me start by saying that what I'm doing now feels like praying when you're feeling guilty about something. You don't want to pray because you feel ashamed and you don't want to lay all of our sins and weaknesses out on the table. Yeah. Getting back to my blog after being a slacker for some time now. I have quite a few things to put on here so I decided that if I do one a night, I will be done in about a week. That's not too bad. We'll see how I do toward my goal.

First up, Evan turned THREE...about 3 1/2 weeks ago! What I have to say about Evan is that I just had no idea that the human spirit had such a capacity to love. I mean, we all know our parents love us and we assume we are going to have this amazing love for our kids. But you really don't have any idea until you have them, do you? The fact that he came after such a life-changing loss probably only fuels my love fire. And that he almost didn't make it himself. Every day he is in our lives I feel blessed. Every day I worry about what I'd ever do if he weren't in our lives. He has such an enormous personality. He is really funny - loves to make us laugh. He is also smart. He loves to be given in-depth explanations on things (especially from Dad). He is very sweet and tender and can be heard saying, "I love you, Mom" more times in a day than I can count. He is absolutely amazing with Maren. I couldn't have asked for a better relationship between the two of them. It's hard to believe that we have a 3-year-old. Time goes by so quickly. We look forward to him going into Primary this year and getting lots of rewards for his excellent behavior. :-) Evan, we love you more than words can say. Happy Birthday, Bubbaloo!

(By the way...no need to tell me these are weird, crummy pictures. I know! We didn't really get any good ones of him. These were the best I had. And, yes, the cake is terrible! But, I did give up getting a Costco cake this year and made it myself so I'm doing better than in years past. Prepare to be wowed next year. Ha!)

My Magic Milkshake

I just have a loving story to share. One that I want to remember. So it's been a while since I've had some really great junk food. :-) I've been trying to eat really well and keep all junk out of this house. It's been a couple weeks, probably since I've had my nightly ice cream as I sit here at the computer and work and stress over my work and work some more. Well, today I was feeling the pangs of withdrawal. Ha! We got home from church and I told Michael I wanted to make some cookies. Then I remembered we had more cake mix from Evan's birthday. I could make another cake. We had nothing else in the house. No ice cream. Not so much as a Hershey's Kiss. So, I'm working on the computer, around 9:45, feeling really crazy and I decide that at midnight (technically Monday!) I will get in the car, drive-thru at McDonald's and get me an ice cream cone. Seriously! So, I told this to Michael.

He apparently thought I was crazy but he could tell I really needed a treat. So, without letting me know, he looked up the recipe for Magic Milkshakes (tastes almost exactly like a Wendy's Frosty) and made me one.

Now, especially considering he has a final and two quizzes tomorrow that he should've been doing some studying for, I thought that was totally thoughtful and loving. He said he didn't want me to have to drive to McDonald's...which I assure you would've happened if it weren't for him. I was overcome with gratitude because it hit the spot. Maybe I can make it another two weeks without another sweet treat. Or maybe I'll stop by the store tomorrow and pick up some Ben & Jerry's Half Baked ice cream. Super yum!

Thank you, Love! You are the greatest! :-)

Dead Skunk?

Michael's dad used to sing a song called Dead Skunk when Michael was little. Michael thought it was a crazy song that his dad made up. Just a couple of years ago Michael was searching around on Napster and decided to look up the song. He was really surprised to find that it was a real song. For your listening pleasure, here it is on YouTube. (The video is some guys doing a skit to the song. It's pretty...uh...lame. So you might just want to use it for the audio.) So, Michael turned it on tonight and we were all singing along before dinner. Well, we got quite a treat as we were all eating. Evan told us this "story". Hysterical!

"When I was on my mission, there was a skunk in the church. And he was going poop on the toilet. And he got flushed down the toilet. And he went down to the place where they clean the water. And then he ran up the toilet. And then he grabbed onto the toilet seat. And then he jumped off the water. And then he jumped off the seat. And the door was locked. And he had an idea. And he bonked his head on the door. And then he broke the door."

My goodness, the imagination. I still have a huge smile on my face thinking about this. I look forward to many more of these kinds of stories!! With the trials that come with a 3-year-old come many wonderful moments as well.

Birthday Sweetness

I just wanted to record, so I can look back on this when he's 15!, some of the wonderfully sweet things Evan said to me on my birthday yesterday.

• First, just shortly after waking me up (a little too early for my birthday, Evan!), he told me happy birthday without me even haven't to tell him.
• Not too long after that he asked, 'When do we get to sing happy birthday to you, Mom?' I told him he could do it whenever he wanted. Right then he broke into song. It was the sweetest happy birthday I've ever heard.
• He and Michael read a book once that says, "I love you more than the sun, more than the moon, more than the stars." So, ever since reading that, they say that to each other every night. I'm out of that loop because while they're sharing that loving time, I'm getting my work done on the computer. So, he was eating a peanut butter cup (thanks, Tam!), which he has never heard the name of, and he says to me, "Mom, I love you more than Tootsie Rolls, more than this candy, more than green suckers." Yeah, this sucker was melting.
• He protected me from dinosaurs. He offered me the last peanut butter cup, he was sweet and wonderful and thoughtful. Thank you, Evan, for bringing loving tears to my eyes on my birthday!

Halloween 2007

We had a fun Halloween this year. We borrowed a pink leopard costume for Maren from someone my mom knows and as soon as Evan saw it, he said that he wanted to be a cheetah. Okay. So much for using his Superman jammies that we used last year. Well, there are NO cheetah costumes online or in stores that I could find. We weren’t sure what we were going to do. Then one day Michael stopped off at Goodwill on his way home from school and found a giraffe costume that would work after quite a bit of doctoring. He and Evan went to my mom’s house one night and stayed until 11 p.m. removing a giraffe mane and horns and sewing the head back together. They also added some fabric to the crotch because it was too small and repositioned the ears. Thanks, Mom, for all the help!! Later we removed an embroidered giraffe that had been on the chest, blackened the brown spots, and stuffed and wired the tail. What a job! He was thrilled with his costume, though. Michael did his make-up and it took just about an hour to do. Evan was such a trooper and very patient as it was being done. (Surprised me!) Everyone said he looked great and was a cute little cheetah. With the make-up on, I seriously don't think I could've picked him out of a line-up. He sure didn't look like Evan! Maren was a pink leopard on Saturday and a fuzzy pink monster on Halloween (thanks, Sarah!).


Our festivities included a three or four-ward trunk or treat. We got there 45 minutes late but there was still plenty going on. Then we did a bit of trick or treating in a neighborhood near ours and went to a party held by some people in our ward. They had TONS of food. That was a blessing since I hadn’t eaten since lunch and it was 8 p.m.! When we got home, Evan wanted to count all of his candies and kept telling us how much fun we had.

Having kids sure has changed my outlook on Halloween. It’s much more fun now. Not about having my birthday on Halloween, though. It’s still the pits…sorry Mom! Michael and Evan did make me a Rice Krispie treat cake to take to the party, however. Just like last year, Michael let everyone in on the secret that I’m a witch and everyone sang happy birthday to me at the party. Thanks, Babe! Evan wanted to take a picture of me and since it didn’t turn out TOO awful, here I am being 31 years old.

And today Michael got a picture of Evan with his pumpkin before it went the way of all the earth. They got on the Internet and Evan got to pick which face he wanted. He didn’t want a funny one or a nice one. He wanted a scary one. I think this fit the bill.


And who can resist one more picture of Maren? Me either. I was noticing the contrast in their eyes the other day. One with hazel eyes, one with blue. I just love it. They are both beautiful while still being so different.

Courtesy of Evan Bybee Photography

I thought Evan got a pretty dramatic picture here. Ha! I love that little lip. She's such a sweet girl. So, since Maren hardly ever gets any blog space, here's an update on her. She has started making kissy lips and will always do it after you do. Michael even got some pretty sweet kisses from her yesterday. I was jealous. She so wants to be a walker. She just loves to stand so much. I can't believe her so-short body will be walking around this house before we know it. She likes to wave and clap, although her clapping skill went completely away for about a month. I wondered what happened to it until one day, out of the blue, she started clapping again. She adores Evan and is pretty much happy any time he is around. She is still chubby and we love it as much as ever.

Her two favorite things in the whole world are taking a bath and riding in the shopping cart. We have a game we play when it's bath time. We put her far away from the bathroom and engage her with a toy. Then we tell Evan to turn on the water so we can watch her face turn to excitement and see her book it, in her military crawl, down the hall as fast as she can go. The other day we didn't even have to wait for the water to turn on. As soon as she heard the shower curtain move back, she was off and "running".

As for the shopping cart, the other day all it took was walking into Fred Meyer and seeing the carts sitting there. She started pumping her legs like crazy. She just loves it. About 20 minutes into the trip she seemed agitated and appeared to want out, to my surprise. When I took her out, she wanted to face out and then she was grabbing for the cart handle. She wanted to PUSH the shopping cart! So, I let her as I held her (quite a workout for me!). Oh, the squeals of delight! Oh, the leg kicks! She was absolutely in heaven. You could hear her squeals eight aisles down. People kept looking, smiling, laughing at her. Michael and I took turns being the one to hold her so that the other one could walk in front of the cart and just watch her elated face. She is a joy. We love her so much!

Pumpkin Patch

Evan has been talking about Fall and pumpkin patches for, well, a year now. He so LOVED going last year. Definitely the highlight of 2006 for him. Well, that and M&Ms on Christmas, I guess. Anyway, we decided to go on Tuesday. The weather was great and the crowds would be small. The only trouble is...Evan hadn't had a nap. It was mostly misery and I don't have any great pictures to show from the whole deal, but here's what I've got.

He wasn't crying in this picture...yet. At this farm you ride a little "boat" out to the patch. A pretend shark comes out of the water and some little dragons. Pretty cute for just being a pumpkin patch. Evan picked his pumpkin and there was no debating. Unfortunately, it's already got mold. Probably did when he picked it out, but that wouldn't have mattered. It was that one or else!!

Not a great picture, but I thought it was cute that Maren is smiling in the background. In try Memory Bybee form, I included that lovely trash can in the picture. Nice!

So, you ride a train back to the patch entrance. It's very cute. Maren thought it was a lot of fun. It's super loud and bumpy. I thought this was a sweet picture of my boys. Obviously, Evan is very sleepy and ponderous. Oh, yeah. I don't know if you can see it, but there is a space shuttle on his shirt. If you remember about, I don't know, ten posts ago I mentioned how he likes to watch the space shuttle launches on the Internet just about every day. Well, I've had a Gymboree gift card with only $12 left on it for the past two years! So, a few weeks ago I decided I was finally going to take care of that. I was looking through their sale racks and I found this shirt. I was thrilled. I think I actually won the Mother of the Day award from Evan. I couldn't wipe the smile off his face for at least ten minutes.

I only include this one because it cracks me and Michael up. It reminds us of one of those old fashioned pictures where the people didn't smile. Very serious. Ha! Or TIRED!

And this is probably our favorite one because Evan is actually smiling and Maren, like a good baby, is just about to put that hay in her mouth. Of course, she's got to check it out first. Oh, yeah again! I put Maren in this really cute shirt before we left. When we got there, she was pooped out of it. This is the back-up onesie I had. Of course that would happen! Isn't that always how it goes? I had barely enough wipes to finish the clean-up job and no other shirts. Good thing it was sunny and hot! That reminds me of another poopy story. The other day Michael took the kids grocery shopping so I could work. Maren was pooped out (not tired this time) by the time he got there. He had no diapers, no wipes, no nothing. He would not be deterred. He sat her on one of the plastic produce bags and took about an hour and a half to do the shopping. Stinky! I guess it would be easy to turn down any normally-tempting chocolate items with a smell lingering like that.

Grandpa & Grandma Herbert

My grandpa (my mom's dad) and grandma left last week to go back to their home in Mesa, Arizona. It was a sad time because my grandpa was talking about how it may very well be the last time he is here. I am having a very hard time dealing with that thought, so I hope that he is wrong. I think there is a lot I don't realize about his health, though. I guess that's because I haven't asked because I'd rather be in the dark and in denial. His passing will be the first (other than Dallin) of really close family in 23 years, since my grandma died (my mom's mom). That's a long time for someone to get really comfortable with everyone she loves around her.


So, I thought I would put down in writing some of the wonderful memories I have with my grandpa so that I never forget. Here goes...

• He used to change my diaper on the wing of his airplane (I don't personally remember this but many others do!)
• I flew with him many places and even remember getting to steer as we taxied on the runway one day.
• He taught me how to pump my legs when I swing and how to ride my bike.
• He taught me how to float on my back, how to swim and how to dive.
• He was a teacher, principal and asst. superintendent. He was always very proud of my spelling skills and would test me with big, big words.
• He taught me mathematical tricks associated with multiplication, especially.
• Many summers I spent up to 3 weeks with him and my grandma in Arizona. We went swimming almost every day. One year he wanted to get me to cartwheel into the pool and I was pretty sure I was going to hit my head on the side of the pool and die. After about 2 hours of coaxing I think I finally did it but I will never forget the terror I felt.
• While I was there in the summers we ate ice cream every day. Grandpa always put milk in his ice cream and kind of stirred it up. I always thought that was strange. My parents say I would come home from there about 10 pounds heavier...which is kind of a lot when you're not even a teenager yet!
• He is very proud of my typing skills and is always checking to see if I still type as fast as I did in high school.
• He has always counseled me to be the best employee a company has ever had. Great advice.
• He counsels us to stay out of debt and to stay close to the church. I would never be able to charge any amount of money on a credit card without thinking of my grandpa and how sad that would make him. So I shan't!
• He absolutely loves Evan's big eyes (and Maren's now, too). Every time he sees Evan he tells Evan about the picture he has of him on his fridge that makes him smile so much because of his big eyes. He reminds me that when I was a baby I had enormous eyes, too.
• My grandpa loves, loves, loves his family. He has been a wonderful example of hard work, learning, love, wise financial decisions, and dedication to the Lord.

For all these things and more, Grandpa, I love you!!

Sleepover!

So, Evan had his first sleepover last weekend at Grammy's house! Hooray! His cousin, Jaren, did this a few months ago and after I heard that, I really started talking it up. The first time we attempted a sleepover was about a year ago at my sister's house. We got the come-pick-up-your-son call somewhere around 1 a.m., I think. Ha! We realize now that that was a little young. Anyway, I have always been a big supporter of leaving your children for a night, or two, or three so you can have a vacation or whatever. And we have had several people tell us that they would take Evan (this was back in the day before Maren!) for us. The problem is that we haven't had any money to actually go anywhere and do anything. Anyway...we were very nervous about getting "the call" again this time because that's just what we expected from Evan. But we were so surprised. He stayed at Grammy's house and did great and had a great time. He got to play with Grammy's yarn and her fun toys. They watched a movie and Evan wrangled Grammy into reading books for an hour and a half. According to Grammy, at 10 p.m. Evan finally said, "Okay, Grammy. You can go now." Oh, boy. The next morning they went to a toy store so he could get a new Chinese yo-yo. A cheap amusement. I enjoyed myself so thoroughly that I suggested to my mom that she might want to have grandson bonding once a month!! Oh, I'm so selfish and everyone can see right through that one. It's hard to believe that Evan isn't like this any more. He's all grown up and having sleepovers now. Hard to believe. We love him so much. And we love you, too, Grammy. Thanks for taking care of our [mostly] sweet boy! :-)

Medical School?

This is a quickie...I've got to get to bed. I've always thought that Michael should be a doctor. Too darn bad we didn't just jump on that thought ten years ago so he'd be done by now. Anyway, that thought is pretty much being confirmed as he's in school studying medical stuff. I was pleased as punch to hear, even though it embarrassed him a whole lot!, that Michael's teacher told Michael, in front of the whole class, "You have an amazing brain." Agreed. Now, if we can just find someone who would like to fund his medical school and, oh, yes, pay our living expenses at the same time, we can refer to him as Dr. Bybee. Heehee.

Spinach Yeaves

We have a spinach harvest! Evan was so excited when Michael told him they needed to go out and cut off some spinach in the garden. He said we could have "spinach yeaves" for dinner. The cutest part was when he said, "Mom, don't cook anything for dinner. We're going to have spinach yeaves. It will be a really nice dinner." Well, I took him up on that one. Since spinach leaves seemed like a pretty light dinner, I did go all out and make some garlic cheese toast once we started eating. What a nice wife I am. :-)

Anyway, Evan was too cute. His first taste of his beloved spinach yeaves was not very yummy. Nor was his second or third or fourth. With or without ranch dressing, he was having a hard time choking the stuff down. But he kept trying! That's what amazed us. I think it's because he loves the idea of eating leaves and has been waiting for this spinach for a while now. Too cute. Happily, I got some pictures of our brave eater.

Here's my favorite. What a cute boy he is! Forget all that terrible stuff I said in the last post. Ha! We love him no matter what!

Another funny note. Before he started eating, he said, "I ate spinach yeaves on my mission." Everything has been about his mission lately. I'm trying to think of other examples. He just keeps telling us these stories about his mission. Oh, there were "guys in suits" on his mission. That doesn't mean what you think it means. His cousin is afraid of "guys in suits" (Chuck E. Cheese, etc.) so they use this phrase quite often. Well, we thought that was a pretty funny comment considering, you know, the suits and everything. Maybe this all stemmed from Michael's mission president speaking in General Conference last weekend. We made a BIG deal out of that. It was so strange because ever since Elder Tenorio was called into the Seventy, Michael has been waiting to hear him speak. I just had a feeling he was going to on Sunday. Michael commented how he was going to write the First Presidency and ask them to have Elder Tenorio speak. Just then President Monson announced that Elder Tenorio would be speaking. If Michael could do a back flip, he would have. We quickly called lots of family members (during the choir singing!) to let them know. During the talk, Michael sat just inches from the computer, taking in every splendid moment. I think it was an emotional experience to see him again. And his talk was wonderful...on how we, as Latter-Day Saints, view death and what happens to our family members and friends after they die. Little did we know that Elder Tenorio and Michael have something else in common. They have both had babies die. It was neat to have that experience. Maybe that will fuel Michael's desire to go back and visit Mexico. Maybe, just maybe, we could go there for his 20-year mission anniversary. That would be in five years. Now, that's a frightening thought, isn't it? It's been 15 years since Michael left on his mission. Crazy! Rambling...

Elder Octaviano Tenorio

Change in the Wind

This is the way I choose to remember Evan. Sweet, gentle, mild-mannered, angelic.

Ha! Boy, has a lot changed in the last couple of weeks! Don't worry. He's still all of these things with Maren. It's just his parents who he seems to feel differently about now. :-) It happened two or three weeks ago. We kissed our angel good night and he woke up a different boy. Now he's aggressive, defiant, hitting, spitting, throwing things, having tantrums, screaming, saying mean things. All those blessed things I thought I was going to get to skip over. He's almost three! I thought we were going to get to skip those "terrible twos". Guess not. Oh! My favorite thing to hear today was, "Don't say anything, Mom. Your voice is boring." Ha! Where do kids get these things from?!?!

So, Michael and I have been beside ourselves with what to do about this new turn of events. Yesterday was a TERRIBLE day. It was so negative. We were taking away privileges left and right and he spent half the day in time-out. Michael and I were drained and felt terrible about all the negativity. And Evan...well, he didn't even care. It just wasn't the right motivation for him. So, Michael and I did some brainstorming and we spent our entire date night working on our new system for motivating Evan to have better behavior. First we went to The Learning Palace and got a job chart. When he completes jobs around the house (some things as simple as saying something nice to his sister, etc.), he gets tokens. When he gets 20 tokens, he can choose something from our "fun store". That's a bucket we got at the dollar store full of cheap but entertaining toys. We also threw in lots of healthy snacks and things I never by like fruit snacks. This bucket is PACKED full of motivational goodness. Evan was really excited about it (though he's having a hard time with this delayed gratification stuff) and got 14 tokens today. I guess we'll probably have to pay up with something from the "store" tomorrow. This will be an interesting experiment. Today was a much better day. If things continue this way, I'll be thrilled. If they go back to how they were on Friday, I'm checking myself into the psyche ward!

It's Stuck!

You take the good, you take the bad.
You take 'em both and there you have
The facts of life. The facts of life.
There's a time you gotta ? ? ?
You're growin' now, you know about
The facts of life. The facts of life.
When the world can never seem
To be living up to your dream
Then suddenly you're finding out
The facts of life are all about you.
You-u-u-u-u...................

You ever get old TV show songs stuck in your head? Usually mine is The Love Boat. Ha! Lately, though, it's The Facts of Life. I was completely entertained the other day when I was singing it and Michael joined right in. He knew the whole thing (except I'm not sure if he even knows the ? ? ? words) and even remembered that one of the characters from The Facts of Life was Trudy. He told me he thought the blonde girl was hot back then. Yep, that would be Blaire. Anyway, I'm just getting a laugh out of it today. I can't get it out of my head and Michael told me to stop singing it this afternoon because it was stuck in his head this morning and he successfully got it out. Maybe I'll help him out with a new song...

Love, exciting and new
Come aboard. We're expecting you.
The Love Boat soon will be making another run.
The Love Boat promises something for everyone.
Set a course for adventure. Your mind on a new romance...

Okay, I could put the whole thing here so that one day 20 years down the line I can laugh about it and sing it all the way through. But you know what? I'm not worried about forgetting it. I just checked Wikipedia and the last time The Love Boat was on was 20 YEARS AGO! Holy cow! That's hard to believe. I'm sure I'll be 75 and still remember the words. I have no choice. Even if I didn't want to, they are good and stuck.